~Broken Spirit~Chapter Two~

[admin]

~*~

This is a story that someone I consider to be very close to has asked me to write. It is a very personal and intimate story, and I have found it quite an emotional stress to write.

Firstly, before I begin, I shall still be continuing with Falling for Business whenever I can. Secondly, I hope you enjoy this story for what it will be and take it with a light heart.

Now as to the style of the story, I have decided to do it in first and third. You shall see as I continue why this may have been necessary. Also it is very hard to take pictures for this story, so please bare with me if there is more text than you feel you can be bothered with.

N.B All black and white pictures are memories of the main character’s past, while colour pictures are the present.

Special thanks to Dizzy who created all the gorgeous sims for me!

Broken Spirit

Chapter One

Three years is a long tiring time to be lost. It’s a long time to be lonely, a long time to be hungry for someone, a long time to be numb, a long time to be scared, a long time to wake up to emotional pain. It’s a long time to just exist. A long long time to feel forgotten.



But is it a long enough time to get over the death of someone you held closer than you should have dared? Is it a long enough time to move on and accept more than life’s fair amount of bitterness and hate? Is it a long enough time to stop feeling guilty? Is three years long enough to heal?

I don’t know anymore. I have asked the same questions at one year, then two. Perhaps I am at that time where I want to feel ready? Maybe I should seek out the truth from the past and accept the answers I am given. Has three years made me strong enough yet? Or am I still weak?



You cant hide from the past, it will always find you. And when it takes a grip, it can break your spirit. Sometimes, like me, for three years, if not more.

I didn’t want Jenny. I would give my life for her without a seconds hesitation, but I didn’t want her. I hate to admit it, and just to look at her beautiful smile, hear her addictive laugh and appreciate her cries reminds me of it everyday.



But my guilt never quits.

‘How can you be a good father? You didn’t want her! What gives you the right to have such a beautiful thing? You don’t deserve it! She deserves better! You are just like your father! Weak, useless, pathetic excuse of a man!’



All the love and support in the world cannot stop your mind from destroying you. Only acceptance of memories and the strength to move on.

I’m scared to raise my daughter. Scared to hold her, scared to enjoy her, I’m scared to love her. I’m terrified of her.



I know the screams of a little girl all too well. They are embedded in my brain and appear in my dreams unrelenting.
Jenny is only three now, but when she turns 8 the memories will be horrifically haunting. Will she turn out to be strong, when I am so weak?

It doesn’t help that she is the image of her mother. Everyday she looks more like her mother.



I cant look at her for too long before my heart breaks in two all over again, and it hurts more with each glance at Jenny. I love my daughter, I love her to death. But she took away my soul, my rock, my lover and my best friend.



And when my own father failed his own daughter so traumatically, I ask myself is three years nearly enough to get over these wounds? Will my daughter grow up to be happy? Or will my broken spirit wash off and destroy her too?



I am not fit to be a father, it’s just not in my genes.

~*~

[Dizzy]

WOW!! Becka, that's all I can say is WOW! That and my heart is pounding in my chest for his pain. Hey what is his name?

[DejAng3l]

omg beck.................great intro.......i'm already hooked.........i need more.......more.....

[Shell]

Oh wow Becka..He needs some serious hugs, poor guy. And i am with Diz..whats his name?

[♥The one called Onie]

WOW Becka thats deep

I can already tell it will be a good story!

[hawkeye]

I'm reading this story, defiantly! that is really deep and like woahhh

[Antilife]

*sigh* Good begining though becky.

[Kate]

That was a great intro Beck... can't wait for more

[breena]

Another great story in the making...

[Piñacolada]

I'm gonna look forward to reading this story... looks like it's gonna be really moving...

[listerino]

Aww looks like a tear jerker! I'll be reading along with the others.

[~!_Broken_!~]

great story so far beck! i hope you update it and Fallin for Business soon:D

[Simmertime]

I second that Becka great story. I'll be watching this one too.

[admin]

Broken Spirit

Chapter Two

The brothers were close at childhood. Of course there were fights and arguments, that goes without saying with siblings, but nothing was a secret for long when a brother knew.



Conversations were shared, and worries revealed. The brothers were brothers, and they never forgot it. They were blood and flesh, they watched out for each other, and they never forgot where their loyalties lay.



There were many of them, so the whispered rumours had started long before Carla arrived. Unbelievable things were whispered in Jace’s mind, but it soon became apparent that they were true. They were his brothers after all, and why would they make up such a thing?

They were amazed to have a sister after what they all knew to be true. Perhaps their mother had changed her mind, maybe she had grown out of her one dreaded fear? Or maybe there had been a mistake, and Carla should have been another boy.



Jace’s mother wasn’t interested in raising a daughter, and although no one needed to ask why, it soon became apparent that Carla would rely on her brothers to be raised decently.

They all looked after Carla, and she adored them all fiercely, but what with Jace being closer in age, Carla grew a special bond with him and followed him everywhere.



As she grew older, her own personality started to shine through. She was cheeky and mischievous, and quite frankly a tom boy, but that is understandable when she was raised by her brothers.



However, Carla adored Jace, and she took great pride in accepting her little sister duties. She bugged him and teased him and played more practical jokes the older she got, but he loved her and could never stay mad for too long.



It pained Jace to know his mother wanted nothing to do with Carla. It pained him even more to know his mother had complete control over his father. But he had heard the shared whispers from his older brothers, and he knew it was better to let things be.

He was only 3 years older than Carla, but from the age of 10 he took full responsibility of his sister. She was never far behind him wherever he went, and although their mother couldn’t care less for the girl, no one worried for her when she was with Jace.

Carla knew not to bother her mother. She didn’t care either way. She had never had that crucial bond with her mother at that early age, so she never felt as though she had missed anything. Perhaps she thought it was normal for boys to get full attention from the mother, and normal for a girl to be ignored. Either way, she didn’t know any better at that age, and who needed a mum when you had such wonderful brothers anyway.



A charmed life for a young girl, Carla could get away with anything. When she was cheeky her brothers thought it were funny, and when she was naughty they thought it hysterical. She was never punished for any of these things, for their mother could always find something better to do than interact with the girl.

Although Carla was never particularly naughty or bad, one person would always lecture her if she went a bit too far. Jace wanted the best for his sister, and although she was very independent for such a young child, he knew that she couldn’t be allowed to get away with everything.



A year or so went by, and a couple of Jace’s older brothers moved out to start their own lives. Things were changing, as they do when you get older, and although it was slightly unsettling for Jace to see his brothers leave, things at home were still sweet.



His mother still had nothing to do with Carla, but that was the norm now, it was nothing unusual. But up to the age of eleven he had wonderful memories of a happy childhood. Fishing trips, holidays abroad, building dens with Carla, playing the drums, climbing trees, picking conkers, jumping in huge piles of autumn leaves and just generally hanging out with his brothers and Carla.



But things change, people change. They were growing up quickly and had led a pretty sheltered life. Nobody had dared even dream about what would happen.

But Carla turned eight and the nightmare began.

~*~

[Angie]

Nightmare? Wait....don't leave it like that!!!!

[listerino]

Woo update!
You can't leave it there though! As Angie said what nightmare???

[DejAng3l]

Great update beck.......now hurry up with the next one........ ;D

[Kate]

Beck! How could you leave it there?! What nightmare? What happened? You must update soon, Beck! I demand you do, afterall, I am mini boss and have a little say in all the bossy-type things.

[crazychick]

very good,cant wait!

[Piñacolada]

Next chapter now please